American Idol (Part 2)
In November 2020, Colm and I made our way to Ojai, California where the first auditions in front of the celebrity judges were to occur. Covid was still rampant at this stage, so we had to quarantine in our hotel room for a few days before the audition.
We stayed in a beautiful 5-star hotel resort and honestly, those first few days quarantining together were so relaxing, between lounging in our hotel robes and having meals brought to our hotel room door, we truly felt blessed and also very pampered! When audition day finally came around, I was so nervous, yet I was super excited! It was a long day of filming, interviews, and a lot of waiting around before it was my turn to audition finally. I auditioned in front of Katy Perry, Luke Bryan, and Lionel Richie and was over the moon to receive a Golden ticket to Hollywood, which I still have hidden in my guitar case!
After receiving the Golden ticket Colm and I flew back to Nashville to bide our time until we heard more details about when Hollywood Week would happen.
The in-between waiting for Hollywood week was extremely nerve-wracking and caused me a lot of anxiety, especially as all contestants at that time had been informed that if anyone were to get covid right before or during Hollywood week they would automatically be cut from the show! I was so afraid of getting covid and this whole opportunity coming to an end but again I was so thankful for Colm, my rock, who constantly reminded me to fix my eyes on Jesus and put my trust in him and not make American idol my idol (pardon the pun lol).
When Hollywood week finally arrived, I was so disappointed and gutted to hear that Colm wouldn’t be allowed to come with me, usually, contestants could bring someone with them for support but that all changed because of covid. I was flying solo this time and I wasn’t very thrilled about that, at all!
The first two days of quarantining in my hotel room by myself were very lonely and isolating, it made me question a lot of things, especially my participation in the show and if this was something I truly even wanted…
Maybe, it was something I would have really wanted when I was 18 and music was my only outlet, perhaps, maybe even to fulfill other people’s dreams they had for me and my life. But the truth was starting to unfold….My heart was changing, I was changing and the biggest of all, my dreams were changing too. I wasn’t 18 anymore, I was married now, and I was beginning to feel more and more called to build a life together WITH my husband, not separated from him. WE were beginning to feel called to start telling our story together through the gifts and talents God had blessed us with, the same gifts and talents that initially brought us together.
Another huge desire that God had placed on my heart at that time too, was the desire to become a mother, which in truth for as much as I was beginning to deeply desire this, it also scared me, especially as I was always led to believe a music career and children could not coexist in a whole and healthy way. From a young age, I was also highly encouraged to focus on my career and think about children when I was finally financially free and had my career over me. Needless to say, I found out that this was not the way God operated, He didn’t want me to try to control and worry about all the details of how all these things would happen, that was his concern.
I made it through the first couple of rounds of Hollywood week and then I eventually got cut in the duet rounds. When I finally heard the words, ‘Sorry you’re going home Caitriona’ I felt the biggest weight lift from off my shoulders, I felt a huge relief! I was finally flying home to be with my husband and my favorite time of the year, Christmas, was just around the corner.
In fact, there were A LOT of unforeseen things that lay around the corner, miraculous and amazing things! Things like doing a Kickstarter campaign and raising the money to record our first ever full-length record and getting to do it with the love of my life all WHILE carrying our precious child in my womb.
Tears flow to my eyes as I think of God’s abundant blessings and especially as I think of the many lies the enemy had sowed in my heart that I believed for so long and how God has poured out so much healing, truth, and grace upon my life since then.
Looking back, I can now see how God used American Idol in a magnificent way. It wasn’t the story that I had played out in my mind but wow how it plays a beautiful part in God’s story that he writing for my life. The truth is that’s the story I want, God’s story because that’s the BEST story! WOW! Our God is a good good God! HE is my IDOL!
With love,
Colm & Caitriona
KIRWAN the band