Kirwan The band 8/2/23 Kirwan The band 8/2/23

American Idol (Part 2)

In November 2020, Colm and I made our way to Ojai, California where the first auditions in front of the celebrity judges were to occur. Covid was still rampant at this stage, so we had to quarantine in our hotel room for a few days before the audition.

We stayed in a beautiful 5-star hotel resort and honestly, those first few days quarantining together were so relaxing, between lounging in our hotel robes and having meals brought to our hotel room door, we truly felt blessed and also very pampered! When audition day finally came around, I was so nervous, yet I was super excited! It was a long day of filming, interviews, and a lot of waiting around before it was my turn to audition finally. I auditioned in front of Katy Perry, Luke Bryan, and Lionel Richie and was over the moon to receive a Golden ticket to Hollywood, which I still have hidden in my guitar case!

**After receiving the Golden ticket Colm and I flew back to Nashville to bide our time until we heard more details about when Hollywood Week would happen.**
The in-between waiting for Hollywood week was extremely nerve-wracking and caused me a lot of anxiety, especially as all contestants at that time had been informed that if anyone were to get covid right before or during Hollywood week they would automatically be cut from the show! I was so afraid of getting covid and this whole opportunity coming to an end but again I was so thankful for Colm, my rock, who constantly reminded me to fix my eyes on Jesus and put my trust in him and not make American idol my idol (pardon the pun lol).

When Hollywood week finally arrived, I was so disappointed and gutted to hear that Colm wouldn’t be allowed to come with me, usually, contestants could bring someone with them for support but that all changed because of covid. I was flying solo this time and I wasn’t very thrilled about that, at all!

The first two days of quarantining in my hotel room by myself were very lonely and isolating, it made me question a lot of things, especially my participation in the show and if this was something I truly even wanted…

Maybe, it was something I would have really wanted when I was 18 and music was my only outlet, perhaps, maybe even to fulfill other people’s dreams they had for me and my life. But the truth was starting to unfold….My heart was changing, I was changing and the biggest of all, my dreams were changing too. I wasn’t 18 anymore, I was married now, and I was beginning to feel more and more called to build a life together WITH my husband, not separated from him. WE were beginning to feel called to start telling our story together through the gifts and talents God had blessed us with, the same gifts and talents that initially brought us together.

Another huge desire that God had placed on my heart at that time too, was the desire to become a mother, which in truth for as much as I was beginning to deeply desire this, it also scared me, especially as I was always led to believe a music career and children could not coexist in a whole and healthy way. From a young age, I was also highly encouraged to focus on my career and think about children when I was finally financially free and had my career over me. Needless to say, I found out that this was not the way God operated, He didn’t want me to try to control and worry about all the details of how all these things would happen, that was his concern.

I made it through the first couple of rounds of Hollywood week and then I eventually got cut in the duet rounds. When I finally heard the words, ‘Sorry you’re going home Caitriona’ I felt the biggest weight lift from off my shoulders, I felt a huge relief! I was finally flying home to be with my husband and my favorite time of the year, Christmas, was just around the corner.
In fact, there were A LOT of unforeseen things that lay around the corner, miraculous and amazing things! Things like doing a Kickstarter campaign and raising the money to record our first ever full-length record and getting to do it with the love of my life all WHILE carrying our precious child in my womb.

Tears flow to my eyes as I think of God’s abundant blessings and especially as I think of the many lies the enemy had sowed in my heart that I believed for so long and how God has poured out so much healing, truth, and grace upon my life since then.
Looking back, I can now see how God used American Idol in a magnificent way. It wasn’t the story that I had played out in my mind but wow how it plays a beautiful part in God’s story that he writing for my life. The truth is that’s the story I want, God’s story because that’s the BEST story! WOW! Our God is a good good God! HE is my IDOL!

With love,

Colm & Caitriona

KIRWAN the band

Kirwan The band 7/27/23 Kirwan The band 7/27/23

American Idol (Part 1)

American Idol (Part One)

Recently we shared a quick little picture of Caitriona auditioning for American Idol. A lot of people have been asking about this and so we wanted to share a little more of that story with you, a story that yet again we can see God’s fingerprints all over! We’ll let Caitriona take it from here…

It's true, I auditioned for American Idol! I know right? Kinda Cool! What’s even cooler to me is how God used this whole experience to answer some big prayers that both Colm and I had been praying at that time!

Back in March 2020 during the Covid Pandemic Colm and I moved back home to Ireland from Nashville TN, just a few short months after we married. We were living with Colm's mom at the time and working as Janitors in a local department store (the only jobs we could get to keep us sane and get us out of the house during lockdown), it was around that time, Summer of 2020 when a talent scout approached me about the possibility of auditioning for the show. Initially, my first response was a resounding No! Singing competitions scare me! I had a few not-so-good experiences competing growing up which knocked my confidence and so my biggest fear was that this would happen all over again!

However, after much prayer, discernment and a lot of conversations with God and Colm, we both agreed, what have we got to lose? After all, we were in the middle of a lockdown, and I, especially, after a few months of 4am wake up calls to clean and mop store floors, was so over it! And so, I gave God my yes, we gave God our Yes! We agreed that I would audition for the show.

Whats even more mind-blowing, is that it was right before this opportunity even came about that Colm and I had been praying a lot about the possibility of moving back to America. Both of our hearts were feeling called back to Music City, yet it felt like an impossible thing, especially as all travel worldwide was still totally shut down. Still, we continued to pray that if this was something God truly wanted for us he would make it happen! After all, with God, there is nothing that is impossible! Could American Idol be the thing that would bring us back to the USA?

The first few rounds of auditions for American Idol took place online via Skype. It was pretty nerve-wracking but I kept reminding myself what have I got to lose, we’re in lockdown! I made it through those first few rounds of auditions and received the good news that I had been chosen to audition in front of the celebrity judges in California!
However, travel to America at this stage was STILL totally shut down, so again, it felt like an impossibility, yet we continued to remind each other that if this is something that God wants for us, HE can move mountains, somehow HE would get us to California for the audition and there were just a few months to do it!

In the meantime, while we waited to see what God would do, we decided to go backpacking for a month across Europe, walking the El Camino De Santiago and stopping off in Italy for our honeymoon before returning home to Ireland.
When we arrived back home in Ireland after backpacking, we still had no idea if it would be possible for us to get back to America in time for the audition. It wasn’t until a few short weeks before the audition happened that God miraculously opened up a way for us to get back! So, we booked our flights and off we set to….. MEXICO, to quarantine for a couple of weeks before finally making our way to sunny California!

**To be continued……**
**(American Idol Blog Part Two, Coming Soon!)**

With love,

Colm & Caitriona

KIRWAN the band

Kirwan The band 3/3/23 Kirwan The band 3/3/23

‘Your Heart Is My Home’

So here’s a little secret no-one knows yet, ‘Your Heart Is My Home’ is track number 2 on our record we are soon to release, EXCITING!! It’s one of our favorite tracks on the record and how this song came to be follows perfectly from where Colm left off.

To say there were bumps on the road seems like an understatement at times, the truth is at this time it felt like my whole world was unravelling and I was facing some of the biggest decisions I had ever had to make. There was no doubt in my heart that I was falling head over heels in love with Colm but at the same time I come from a really big and super wonderful tight knit family and the very thought of having to leave the home I grew up in, and leave each of my loved ones, caused me much confusion and pain at this time, and I know it was troubling for my family too, especially my Mum and Dad… I was torn

It all caused me much distress at the time as it truly felt like I had to choose between Colm and my family. So much so that I broke up with Colm, well for about 4 hours I did. It’s actually quite a funny story now.

It was October 1st 2018, Colm had just landed in Dublin airport flying back to see me and I was picking him up to bring him home. Within 5 minutes of him getting in the car, after a long 12 hours plus of traveling from the USA, I blurted out the words “I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore….. I have to break this off….. can we just be friends.” After a long period of, understandable, silence from Colm, and a look of shock, in typical calm collected Colm style he said “Wow, I didn’t see that coming, but I have to admit I knew something was up, I just didn’t expect this. Wow. Well I guess I understand and ultimately I want what’s best for you.”

He then went on to say “no, we can’t be friends” this absolutely both broke my heart and made me really angry, he explained that he wasn’t looking for another friend especially now that we had dated some, it would just be too complicated. The whole conversation was devastating!

After, what felt like forever, a 2 hour drive to his family home in Omagh I dropped him off. He surprised me with a gift he had got me on a recent trip to Iceland. A hand knitted woolen hat and a heart shaped stone he had found walking on the black sand beaches there, he gave me a quick kiss on the lips and walked away. I then drove all the way home crying my eyes out every minute of the journey, sobbing (very out of character for me at this time in life, usually quite hard hearted)

I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life, had I ruined it all? When I eventually arrived home, in an absolute mess, I called Colm who had been lying on his mums sofa jet lagged, in shock, and broken hearted.

Little did I know he had been praying a 9 Day Novena prayer of intercession to St Therese of Liseaux (tenderly known as ‘The Little Flower’) for Clarity on our relationship and whether I truly was the one or not. If you aren’t familiar with this Novena, you pray with your specific intention for 9 days and it is said that St Therese would often send roses from heaven as a sign of an answered prayer and clarity. When Colm walked into his Mums house that day, there, directly in front of him was a large bouquet of pink and red roses, an answered prayer even if he didn’t like the answer.

Later that morning a calm came over me and I too had total clarity, Colm was the one, I knew it deep in my heart, and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I plucked up the courage and called him to tell him how I truly felt, I was terrified I had ruined it all and that he wouldn’t take me back.

Humbly, he did, Colm was relieved to hear my voice and to hear how I truly felt, I too was relieved to hear he still felt the same way about me, and I was blown away by the pink and red roses story. October 1st is also the feast day of St Therese of Lisieux. Pretty Crazy!

After Colm and I got back together I wrote “Your Heart Is My Home.” You see it took for me to experience the pain and thought of loosing Colm that day to realize that I never wanted to be without him ever again and that in fact wherever Colm is, that’s where my home is, his heart is my home. When I finally fully surrendered to this truth, there was no turning back, I was all in, Colm was too, we had our clarity and we knew we wanted to be married Mr and Mrs Kirwan.

When I shared this song with Colm he wept, no surprise there he’s a crier, although I find my heart softening these days too and the tears more easily flow for me, especially since becoming a mother. This song fast became one of my favorite songs I’ve ever written and it felt so important that we record it together, it’s a constant reminder to us both that it doesn’t matter what life presents us with, we will face it together as a family, united in love, one heart, one Home!

With love,

Colm & Caitriona

KIRWAN the band

Kirwan The band 2/1/23 Kirwan The band 2/1/23

Love at first sight?

Was it love at first sight you ask? Well, no not quite, but beautifully in some ways, yes. Life is full of both ands, isn’t it?

By now most of you know parts of our story, and of course it’s hard to share everything of those early days, but in brief, here goes.
It was October 2017, I was performing a residency at an Irish pub and restaurant in Nashville called McNamara’s. At this stage I’d been living, writing and performing in Nashville for over 7 years.

Caitriona, still living in Ireland, was visiting Nashville with her Mum and Dad on a songwriting trip. After a busy day of cowrites Caitriona’s Dad decided he wanted Irish food (no joke, if this man doesn’t have potatoes on his plate, it’s not a proper meal!), so they all made their way to McNamara’s Irish pub and restaurant (Caitriona reluctantly, as she was tired from the full day of cowrites). It turned out they happened to know the fiddle player on stage that night, Jessica, and at the break she introduced us all.

Put that many Irish people together and it doesn’t take long for a bit of banter and craic to kick off. After plenty of chit chat, during that very long extended break, I eventually had to hop back on stage. Caitriona’s Dad in passing suggested she and I get together to write sometime but as they were all about to return to Ireland it would have to be the next year, of course I wholeheartedly agreed.

Full of curiosity I asked if Caitriona would like to get up and sing a song, her Mum and Dad without hesitation said yes for her. This is where the ‘both and’ comes in play, although neither of us would say it to each other until much further down the road, in hindsight we both recognized something special was in the air that night, we just didn’t know what, yet. It was complicated.

Mostly because at this time I was actually in a relationship with someone else and adding on top of that a few thousand miles of distance between us, neither of us were looking for anything other than a possible cowrite, and in a town like Nashville possible cowrites happen every day and never come to fruition, it’s sadly just something people say, '‘we should get together and write sometime.”

God is so good though, some months later we both admitted to eachother that neither of us forgot that night, we both had an overwhelming, strong, warm, comforting sense of ‘Home’ about each other, the Holy Spirit was quietly at work, planting seeds. Home.

5 months passed with little to no contact but we did get a cowrite on the books, March 19th 2018, after a busy week of shows for both of us in Nashville. St Patricks Day/Week Celebrations in America are a good time to be Irish Singers, you’re in demand!
Ironically the first song we wrote was called ‘Time Has Run Out,’ a break up song idea that Caitriona, unaware, brought to the table that day, I in fact had just gone through a break up.

It was evening when the song was finished that day so I offered to cook Caitriona dinner, (Caitriona would tell me later that food is her love language, I guess I did ok!) she still remembers that meal, oven baked salmon with garlic roasted brussel sprouts and roasted honey glazed carrots.

It was a short music city trip for Caitriona this time, but memorable, when returning to Ireland we stayed in touch. Slowly but surely a friendship deepened and many a long text message exchanged via WhatsApp, and then in time frequent FaceTime calls. Looking back it was a beautiful time of getting to know each other, also as songwriters we shared songs that we had written past and present, both secretly having favorites but not brave enough yet to tell the other. It was beautiful, pure and innocent, it was blessed.

June 9th 2018 (My Birthday) in Caitriona’s family kitchen in County Down, late at night after a gig, together dancing to an Ed Sheeran song playing on my phone in my back pocket, we shared our first nervous kiss. It was perfect! Happiest Birthday Ever!!!
That night we officially started dating and quickly we were imagining a future together, the trouble was we still lived thousands of miles apart, someone had to make a move, but who?
I was happy living my dream life in Nashville as a singer songwriter and Caitriona had no intentions to leave Ireland, God had a lot of work to do in our hearts, there was much to discern and pray about, tears and fears kicked in plenty during those days but we both agreed that if it was truly meant to be God would take care of the details, we just had to surrender and say ‘yes’ to His will. We still live our lives by this.
He guided us both slow and sure, step by step.

It’s funny looking back, now knowing what we know, everything would be ok, but the truth is we didn’t know back then we just trusted that God was in the details. We had to give our daily yes.