‘Your Heart Is My Home’
So here’s a little secret no-one knows yet, ‘Your Heart Is My Home’ is track number 2 on our record we are soon to release, EXCITING!! It’s one of our favorite tracks on the record and how this song came to be follows perfectly from where Colm left off.
To say there were bumps on the road seems like an understatement at times, the truth is at this time it felt like my whole world was unravelling and I was facing some of the biggest decisions I had ever had to make. There was no doubt in my heart that I was falling head over heels in love with Colm but at the same time I come from a really big and super wonderful tight knit family and the very thought of having to leave the home I grew up in, and leave each of my loved ones, caused me much confusion and pain at this time, and I know it was troubling for my family too, especially my Mum and Dad… I was torn
It all caused me much distress at the time as it truly felt like I had to choose between Colm and my family. So much so that I broke up with Colm, well for about 4 hours I did. It’s actually quite a funny story now.
It was October 1st 2018, Colm had just landed in Dublin airport flying back to see me and I was picking him up to bring him home. Within 5 minutes of him getting in the car, after a long 12 hours plus of traveling from the USA, I blurted out the words “I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore….. I have to break this off….. can we just be friends.” After a long period of, understandable, silence from Colm, and a look of shock, in typical calm collected Colm style he said “Wow, I didn’t see that coming, but I have to admit I knew something was up, I just didn’t expect this. Wow. Well I guess I understand and ultimately I want what’s best for you.”
He then went on to say “no, we can’t be friends” this absolutely both broke my heart and made me really angry, he explained that he wasn’t looking for another friend especially now that we had dated some, it would just be too complicated. The whole conversation was devastating!
After, what felt like forever, a 2 hour drive to his family home in Omagh I dropped him off. He surprised me with a gift he had got me on a recent trip to Iceland. A hand knitted woolen hat and a heart shaped stone he had found walking on the black sand beaches there, he gave me a quick kiss on the lips and walked away. I then drove all the way home crying my eyes out every minute of the journey, sobbing (very out of character for me at this time in life, usually quite hard hearted)
I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life, had I ruined it all? When I eventually arrived home, in an absolute mess, I called Colm who had been lying on his mums sofa jet lagged, in shock, and broken hearted.
Little did I know he had been praying a 9 Day Novena prayer of intercession to St Therese of Liseaux (tenderly known as ‘The Little Flower’) for Clarity on our relationship and whether I truly was the one or not. If you aren’t familiar with this Novena, you pray with your specific intention for 9 days and it is said that St Therese would often send roses from heaven as a sign of an answered prayer and clarity. When Colm walked into his Mums house that day, there, directly in front of him was a large bouquet of pink and red roses, an answered prayer even if he didn’t like the answer.
Later that morning a calm came over me and I too had total clarity, Colm was the one, I knew it deep in my heart, and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I plucked up the courage and called him to tell him how I truly felt, I was terrified I had ruined it all and that he wouldn’t take me back.
Humbly, he did, Colm was relieved to hear my voice and to hear how I truly felt, I too was relieved to hear he still felt the same way about me, and I was blown away by the pink and red roses story. October 1st is also the feast day of St Therese of Lisieux. Pretty Crazy!
After Colm and I got back together I wrote “Your Heart Is My Home.” You see it took for me to experience the pain and thought of loosing Colm that day to realize that I never wanted to be without him ever again and that in fact wherever Colm is, that’s where my home is, his heart is my home. When I finally fully surrendered to this truth, there was no turning back, I was all in, Colm was too, we had our clarity and we knew we wanted to be married Mr and Mrs Kirwan.
When I shared this song with Colm he wept, no surprise there he’s a crier, although I find my heart softening these days too and the tears more easily flow for me, especially since becoming a mother. This song fast became one of my favorite songs I’ve ever written and it felt so important that we record it together, it’s a constant reminder to us both that it doesn’t matter what life presents us with, we will face it together as a family, united in love, one heart, one Home!
With love,
Colm & Caitriona
KIRWAN the band